FIVE MONTHS. 176 DAYS. SOBER. 

NOT SOBER IN THE WAY EVERYONE WILL READ THAT AND AUTOMATICALLY FEEL LIKE PRAISING ME FOR DEFEATING ADDICTIONS THAT ENSLAVE THE NATION AND LEAVES ONE LESS PERSON OFF THE STREETS THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON WOULD CALL A GOOD FOR NOTHING JUNKIE. 

NO. 

NOT THAT KIND OF SOBER, I’LL SAVE THAT FOR ANOTHER DAY. 

FIVE MONTHS. 176 DAYS. SOBER FROM MY HARDEST ADDICTION. 

YOU. 

I FEEL LIKE I’M IN REMISSION FROM A TERMINAL CANCER, AND THAT’S A REALITY I ALSO FACE ON A DAY TO DAY…

The boys and i are playing quarters with double shots of spirits and i am winning.

By winning i mean i am not one of the boys but i am the next best thing.

By the next best thing i mean i am a girl and i am drunk. every time i miss a shot, he gets to flick a quarter against my knuckles and now my knuckles are bleeding onto my thighs but every time i make a shot i get to knock back a throat full of liquor.

i slam down the glass until it cracks up the side and now the game is about who will still drink from it…

Out of my head. 

So get out of my head, cause I need to rest 

I don’t compete cause it ain’t a contest 

I’m part of the elite, I don’t lay low to be discreet 

I was born on the streets, so remember the words you speak           

They play in my mind like a fiend that can’t sleep 

And Neither can I, so I put it on repeat 

Then I replay the beat, take a step and then creep 

Still no sleep It’s the middle of the week, cause everything’s not what it seems 

I wanna admit defeat, but it’s like a drug that I…

Kayce,

You wonder why I chose you?  

Yes. I have appointed and called you to this walk.  

I chose you because you will cherish the gift. You will be in awe and wonder of my majesty for years to come. You have always felt me pulling, and drawing you in closer.  

Now is the time. 

I chose you, I chose you because to whom much is given much is required, and you have been given little in your life.  

Therefore I will make you great and give you much. You have shown forgiveness, therefore I will forgive.  

When…

CHAPTER FOUR.

I HAD JUST FOUND OUT I WAS EIGHT WEEKS PREGNANT. YOU COMPLETELY DENIED BOTH ME, AND YOUR UNBORN CHILD. YOU CUT ME OUT SO COLD THAT IT WAS AS IF YOU NEVER EXISTED.  

I CALLED EVERY DAY FOR THE EIGHT WEEKS YOU WERE GONE. SEVERAL TIMES A DAY. EACH VOICEMAIL THE SAME. SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY, BEGGING YOU TO JUST AT LEAST HEAR ME OUT, ANYTHING.  

THE PAIN WAS SO UNBEARABLE. I REMEMBER HOW IT FELT EVERY SECOND THAT PASSED BY. I DIDN’T MOVE, DIDN’T SLEEP, I WAS IN A CONSTANT MELTDOWN MODE AND…