There are only two viable options that could result in the ending of the impacting weight that stands between the two roads that are facing opposite of each-other.

As the cold blistering wind crashes into my skin, I take one step forward.

I look to the left ;

I. I will spend my very last dying moments in this world quite literally dying to get the very next fix. 

Dying to feel this way one more time.

I look to the right ;

II. I quit every drug that has been poisoning me from the inside out from my…

Drug addiction. The reality. 

Tell me what you see, compared to what I do which is only two sides of me 

And neither of them agree, but one of them is barely holding on to her sanity 

One is begging to be free, whilst the other is full of apathy 

I 

So as she stares in disbelief, she reaches for the pipe casually 

Naturally fits as if it’s a home remedy for therapy 

And she knows as long as she lives in the fantasy, she will stay feeling heavenly 

The second she goes to quit, it’s a travesty 

Thinking…

FIVE MONTHS. 176 DAYS. SOBER. 

NOT SOBER IN THE WAY EVERYONE WILL READ THAT AND AUTOMATICALLY FEEL LIKE PRAISING ME FOR DEFEATING ADDICTIONS THAT ENSLAVE THE NATION AND LEAVES ONE LESS PERSON OFF THE STREETS THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON WOULD CALL A GOOD FOR NOTHING JUNKIE. 

NO. 

NOT THAT KIND OF SOBER, I’LL SAVE THAT FOR ANOTHER DAY. 

FIVE MONTHS. 176 DAYS. SOBER FROM MY HARDEST ADDICTION. 

YOU. 

I FEEL LIKE I’M IN REMISSION FROM A TERMINAL CANCER, AND THAT’S A REALITY I ALSO FACE ON A DAY TO DAY…

The boys and i are playing quarters with double shots of spirits and i am winning.

By winning i mean i am not one of the boys but i am the next best thing.

By the next best thing i mean i am a girl and i am drunk. every time i miss a shot, he gets to flick a quarter against my knuckles and now my knuckles are bleeding onto my thighs but every time i make a shot i get to knock back a throat full of liquor.

i slam down the glass until it cracks up the side and now the game is about who will still drink from it…

Out of my head. 

So get out of my head, cause I need to rest 

I don’t compete cause it ain’t a contest 

I’m part of the elite, I don’t lay low to be discreet 

I was born on the streets, so remember the words you speak           

They play in my mind like a fiend that can’t sleep 

And Neither can I, so I put it on repeat 

Then I replay the beat, take a step and then creep 

Still no sleep It’s the middle of the week, cause everything’s not what it seems 

I wanna admit defeat, but it’s like a drug that I…

Kayce,

You wonder why I chose you?  

Yes. I have appointed and called you to this walk.  

I chose you because you will cherish the gift. You will be in awe and wonder of my majesty for years to come. You have always felt me pulling, and drawing you in closer.  

Now is the time. 

I chose you, I chose you because to whom much is given much is required, and you have been given little in your life.  

Therefore I will make you great and give you much. You have shown forgiveness, therefore I will forgive.  

When…

CHAPTER FOUR.

I HAD JUST FOUND OUT I WAS EIGHT WEEKS PREGNANT. YOU COMPLETELY DENIED BOTH ME, AND YOUR UNBORN CHILD. YOU CUT ME OUT SO COLD THAT IT WAS AS IF YOU NEVER EXISTED.  

I CALLED EVERY DAY FOR THE EIGHT WEEKS YOU WERE GONE. SEVERAL TIMES A DAY. EACH VOICEMAIL THE SAME. SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY, BEGGING YOU TO JUST AT LEAST HEAR ME OUT, ANYTHING.  

THE PAIN WAS SO UNBEARABLE. I REMEMBER HOW IT FELT EVERY SECOND THAT PASSED BY. I DIDN’T MOVE, DIDN’T SLEEP, I WAS IN A CONSTANT MELTDOWN MODE AND…