Confliction. A mental disturbance resulting from one or the other; functioning of mutually exclusive impulses, desires or tendencies.”

— KayCent

addicted

double feature album

18 tracks!

"SOON TO BE RELEASED, ALONG WITH THE BOOK THAT COMES WITH THIS PROJECT.

RATHER THAN DOING THE CLASSIC THANK YOU TO EVERYONE I KNOW, NAMING MY CHILDREN AND GIVING SOME BULLSHIT UNSOLICITED PRAISE I DECIDED TO DO THINGS A BIT DIFFERENTLY HERE.

THE BOOK AND ALBUM ARE FOR YOU, TAMER.

WITHOUT EVER MEETING YOU? THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE COME INTO EXISTENCE.

SO, TAMER BOTROS ATAALLA.

HERE'S MY FINAL PIECE ABOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU, AND WITH WHAT I'M ABOUT TO LEAVE IN THIS "SHORT" INTRODUCTION IS FOR YOU, AND YOU ONLY.

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU WERE THE REAL ADDICTION."

 

AS I'M WRITING THIS IT'S 3AM, IT'S BEEN 113 DAYS SINCE WE HAVE HAD A SINGLE WORD EXCHANGED BETWEEN THE BOTH OF US. MY MIND IS STILL RACING THROUGH A MILLION MORE THOUGHTS, AS IT ALWAYS DOES; WHETHER I'M SOBER OR IN A CHEMICALLY INDUCED HIGH IT'S STILL THE SAME.

IT ALWAYS IS.

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE IS WORSE OR WHICH ONE I PREFER.

I'LL LET YOU ANSWER THAT ONE FOR ME.

BUT, NO MATTER WHAT I DO DIFFERENTLY, WHERE I FORCE MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT TO DERAIL, OR EVEN ALLOWING MY MIND TO JUST DRIFT; IT ALWAYS AND EVENTUALLY COMES BACK TO YOU.

SOMETIMES IT'S NOTHING BUT ANGER. OTHERTIMES SADNESS, AND HEY THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU ENJOYS MAKING AN APPEARANCE TO GIVE ME THE REMINDER LIKE I EVER FUCKING FORGOT IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT THE OTHER FOURTH PART OF THE EQUATION INVOLVES ME STILL QUESTIONING WHY YOU DONE HALF OF WHAT YOU DID.

YOU LOVE EQUATIONS, SO SOLVE IT FOR ME. WE ALL KNOW WORDS WERE MY GIFT AND NUMBERS WERE ALL YOU COULD READ.

I'M STILL SEARCHING FOR A REASON OR SOME KIND OF JUSTIFICATION THAT CAN HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS. OR.. AT THE VERY LEAST GIVES ME SOME FORM OF ACCEPTANCE SO I CAN FINALLY COME TO TERMS AND HAVE INNER PEACE TO ALLOW THE PAST TO STAY EXACTLY AS IT ALWAYS HAS - THE PAST.

I WAS GOING TO WRITE THE REST, BUT FUCK IT.

TURN TO CHAPTER 7, IF YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR I'M BOTH IMPRESSED AND PROUD OF YOU.

IT SHOWS WE'RE BOTH LOOKING FOR THE SAME ANSWER AFTERALL.

 

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